Wednesday 27 April 2011

Kalkan - Love at first sight

The Kalkan Phenomenom - Love at first sight
view from the rooftop bar of Tera Mare's  Kalamar Meltem Apartments**
view from apartment bar in Kalamar bay, Kalkan, Turkey
There's clearly something about Kalkan, Turkey that encourages love at first sight.  You can tell just by looking around at people. There they are, lets call them A and B for simplicity.
A and B are sitting having a drink in a bar, chatting to each other, as you do - probably about the weather or the price of stamps; all perfectly normal stuff that takes place all over the world.  But then suddenly, just as A (quite likely a man) is explaining why it is utterly ridiculous that there are no postboxes around and people shouldn't be expected to walk all the way to the post office to send a card he notices that B (probably a woman) is gazing at a spot about half a mile behind his right ear, with a most peculiar expression on her face,  Concerned, A stops in mid rant to ask B if she is alright, and B - with a gentle sigh and contented smile mutters that everything is absolutely perfect, possibly adding a comment about the blueness of the sea or the general loveliness of, well everything... And that's happening all the time here.  It's understandable, even predictable - this beautiful little place is out to capture hearts and souls and has all the charms to succeed in this.
So what is it about Kalkan that  makes it so uniquely perfect?  There is important research into the Kalkan phenomenon with a growing band of people willing to sacrifice their time to investigate the causes of Love at First Sight in Kalkan.  You may even notice some of these undercover operators if you visit Kalkan this year.  Stationed across the village in restaurants, bars, beach clubs, and around the harbour these people may appear to be doing very little apart from drinking in the atmosphere - or drinking up their ice cold Efes.  But don’t be deceived - they are working.  It’s a tough job but someone has to do it...
You may be wondering how you too could sign up for this project.  Researchers are in constant demand - after all, statistics tell us that 89% of all surveys can not be verified scientifically because they are too small*.  So how can you get selected for this role?
Firstly, the Love at First sight in Kalkan project does not just take anyone.  You must demonstrate your training and qualifications for this position.  Observational skills are paramount and I suggest three ways of honing these.
  1. The infinity pool lookout.   Practise this one several times a day until you have perfected it (could take years though).  Float at the side of the pool, with elbows on the poolside - apparently gazing at nothing but that view of the bay.  Drink in the view.  Thus positioned you are ready to report on any changes at sea, like the sun glistening on a passing boat or something.  It could be important, or not.  Variations on this approach are useful.  You may find that lilo manoeuvres (in pool or sea) can be similarly effective observational platforms.
  2. Bar and restaurant work. Again, this may take years and years of undercover work to get a full picture of what is going on in Kalkan.  I suggest you try out a number of different bars and restaurants,  sitting at different places, observing the Kalkan way of life and making mental notes.  Please don't write anything down as it may get into the wrong hands.  Who knows what someone else might do with this research.  It is important to keep yourself hydrated and healthy during this arduous training so ensure you always have a full glass of something - maybe an Efes, an ice cold glass of rose or even an apple tea - ready to hand.
  3. undercover researcher in Kalkan, Turkey
  4. Mingling with the publicThe important thing is here is don't let yourself be spotted.  As a researcher you need to blend in seamlessly and appear to be just another happy person in Kalkan land.  So go shopping and spend, spend, spend!   What better way is there to appear that you are not just loitering and observing than by buying beautiful and essential items such as jewellery, leather bound books or beautiful lampshades.  You know it makes sense.
Are you still interested - knowing that this challenging training needs time and commitment if you are to get it right?  Good.  Well get training and I'll let you know the next steps very soon...
based on a ten day study of holiday habits conducted under blazing sun with four participants, one of whom couldn't do the maths...
**Extensive range of accommodation available on Enjoy Kalkan website including some of  the Kalamar Meltem Apartments.




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