Thursday 1 September 2011

PH and the Mystery of the Missing Equilibrium - chapter 2

A Risky Business


It is common knowledge that a school without a weather forecaster is taking a huge risk.  For that reason PH knew they were extraordinarily lucky to have Karen around.  Although her speciality was snow, she was also pretty gifted in the 'rain or shine' department  and she was most enlightening when called upon to forecast the likely weather conditions in Turkey in September.


"There will be sunshine here, here and here.  The staff cheered in appreciation of her clear forecast and the absence of any clouds, rain or wind.  But still,  Natalie was probably voicing the concerns of several members of staff when she asked a question.
"Karen", she started nervously - then gained confidence in her voice. "Karen, what are the chances of snow in Kalkan?  I need to know as I'm concerned about my packing.  Do I take my leg warmers for Zumba sessions - or not?"
The staff listened on every word with bated breath.  There was a long, long pause as Karen thought hard.
"No leg warmers needed!"  She said at last. "The chances of snow are 0.0002%."
Jill looked doubtful, but everyone else whooped and cheered as the good news echoed around the hall.


There was nothing that Jill liked better than a risk assessment form.  PH humoured her and ensured that she spent her days - and many nights - calculating the likelihood of little Johnny being hit by a conker if he went and had a quick fag in the park next door.  However, the challenge that she had just been set my the men in black was a little awesome and for once Jill was struck dumb.  She shouldn't have worried though.  The men in black had it all covered.

"It is vital that you are not tied down by red tape", said man in black 4 to the still slightly stunned staff of PH as they held a pre-flight briefing meeting.
"You will be accompanied by our crack team of SAS troops, 50 of them to be precise. All of them highly trained in martial arts, espionage and teaching reading between the lines to teenagers."  The sigh of relief was most audible from Mrs C and Mrs Mojab.  "They have also been chosen so that they fit well into the local environment - bronzed holiday makers, fit young waiters... you know the types - rippling six packs,strawberry blonde hair,  brown eyes you can melt in...".

At this point he was interrupted by Kate who had been trying to contact all the parents to tell them about the new arrangements for the school term.  "I keep being asked can the students use their tokens in Turkey and what sort of exchange rate will they get.  Can you help?"

Gayle, was up on her feet in a second and with a flourish produced a sack of gold tokens.  She looked so proud - and rightly so.  Not many schools have gold tokens - international currency that can be awarded all over the world to students who have worked hard and been respectful to others.  How they gleamed.  How beautiful they were.  How satisfying to know that students would be able to exchange them for ice creams, postcards or bottles of vodka in the old bazaar  in Kalkan.

But reader, we must leave PH for the moment - otherwise they will never get to the airport.  My what a flight this will be.  Come back soon to hear all about it....





1 comment:

  1. More weather forecasts needed, as are lots of clicks...

    ReplyDelete